Waiting

It's been one of those days.

When your world feels all topsy turvy, and you don't know if it will ever be normal again.

Don't get me wrong. - My life is A-mazing.  I am incredibly blessed, and have nothing to complain about.

The tension I am feeling lately is due to the nagging suspicion that God is up to something in my life. I'm always a bit nervous when I get that feeling.

Let me explain...

I knew 13 years ago that we would most likely adopt some day.  My husband and I were newlyweds, and we attended a Steven Curtis Chapman Concert.  At one point during the show, an adoption video was shown.   I assure you that even though the music swelled at just the right moment, and pictures of darling children pulled on my heart strings, it wasn't just an emotional experience.  I knew without a doubt that we were being called to adopt.

I've had more moments like that over the past 13 years.  Moments where time stands still.  My heart bursts from the feeling inside.  Tears come easily. My Mom instinct is in high gear. Every fiber of my being is awake, and I. just. know.

I can't explain it.  I am painfully aware that there is a child or children out there who has been born in my heart, and has yet to come and live with us.

I say painfully because I know there is a high cost to adoption.

I don't mean the financial cost, though there is a price tag on bringing someone home.

I mean a cost. - A gut-wrenching, life-altering, pain-filled cost.

There are fears to be felt.

There are tears to be shed.

But there is love to be shared...

We are that family.

The ideal family, with 3 girls and a boy.  We may not have a picket fence, or a dog, but we have enough food in our pantry, and beautiful clothes on our backs.  We live in a house that is too big for our needs, and have enough money to buy $4 coffee every so often.  We are beyond wealthy.

I don't know why we want to mess that equation up.

Why would we want to sacrifice any part of that to help even one life?

I'm not entirely sure.

All I know is that I have been compelled...compelled by a Father who adopted me.

I was worth an enormous sacrifice on His part (Romans 8:32).


My heart is aching a little today.  I'm feeling the pains that come from uncertainty. I'm carrying the weight of a calling that has yet to be realized.  And my mind is racing with the questions that are unanswered.

The waiting is hard.  The temptation to question the calling is overwhelming. And the fear of failure is palpable.

The way forward isn't clear, but the future is bright.

I'm clinging to hope. - The hope that the One who called will be faithful to complete it. (Philippians 1:6)